During the first half of our autumn holiday up in Scotland, we'd filled our boots with sightings of deer. Now our focus switched primarily to Mountain Hares and Ptarmigan. Since both species live at high altitudes, it meant a lot of walking uphill! It would be hard work! But, I felt confident I'd be able to manage it, so long as I simply took it slow and steady with frequent stops. At least we were able to intersperse these challenging days with more relaxing ones. On our first day based in Boat of Garten, we decided to venture up the Cairn Gorm Mountain. The mountain railway was closed, as were the ski lifts, so there was no easy access to higher ground. But, since the car park was located at 635m, we were able to start our walk from a reasonably high point. I was thrilled the top of the mountains were covered in snow. It looked so beautiful, though of course, this meant we'd be walking through the white stuff and would undoubtedly get quite wet. We chose to follow the steep Windy Ridge path up to the Ptarmigan restaurant - the highest in the UK. It was given its name due to the high number of this species on the mountain, which was perhaps a good sign. So, I set off with optimism and very happy that it was a glorious sunny start to the day.

I love visiting Scotland, seeking out new places as well as returning to favoured locations. Even though I've been several times over the last few years, I've never been up there during the autumn, around the time of the deer rut. I was thrilled to finally have the opportunity this year, even though I knew the chances of actually seeing any activity were extremely slim. As much as I wanted to see the Red Deer up in the Highlands, there were actually two other species that were higher on my 'Want To See' list for the trip - Mountain Hares and Ptarmigan. I've been lucky enough to see them before, but was eager for more wonderful experiences. I knew they'd still be just as potentially challenging to locate and photograph, with declining numbers even in favoured locations. It would certainly make the trip more of an adventure. The fact I wasn't going alone this time, but instead sharing the experience with Bob - on our first holiday together - made it even more special. I really hoped we would get lucky with our target species, especially as Bob had only seen one Mountain Hare before and never laid eyes on a Ptarmigan.

April 2023 marked the end of my quest to see all the butterflies that live their complete life cycle in Sussex. The final species I saw, during the Easter weekend, was the Large Tortoiseshell. Following the exciting conclusion to my adventure, I wrote a post about Discovering the Butterflies of Sussex . In it I mentioned how chuffed I was with what I'd achieved and how I didn't really want to start the next obvious quest straight away, to see all the UK butterfly species. But, with the spring and summer months stretching out before me, it seemed silly not to make a start this year. Bob and I were still in the early stages of our budding romance, and the idea of spending a lovely long day out together was just too enticing to pass up. So, in late May, we headed over to Martin Down National Nature Reserve in Wiltshire, in the hope of seeing the Marsh Fritillary. It would be my first, but not for Bob. He's already seen all the UK butterfly species, except for the Cryptic Wood White, which is only found in Ireland. We woke super early and reached the nature reserve by 8am. Unsurprisingly, we were the first ones there. It was still quite cool and a little windy, but nice enough to enjoy our breakfast sitting on a bench by the car park, overlooking the wildflower meadow and the hills just beyond to the south. We heard a Cuckoo calling nearby - an unmistakable sound of spring. Lovely! It was a great start to the day.

I’m generally a positive person. Most of the time I’m optimistic and hopeful, but not always. Sometimes my negative mental chatter dominates and it can really bring me down. It makes me worry too much about things. Even though I know worrying is a waste of time and energy, even though I know it can make me unhappy, I’ve still been guilty of doing it. I’m sure I’m not the only one who does. Worrying is like a bad habit I haven’t been able to kick – that is, until now – and I wanted to share this blog post about my recent experience in the hope it helps others. Last year, I realised just how much I was worrying and how detrimental it was to my wellbeing. With all the challenges I was facing, which I’ve written about in this blog series , I eventually realised the negativity was causing me added stress. It was bad enough I had two chronic injuries to deal with, I didn’t really need more on my plate. However, many of my worries and fears were actually related to my injuries. I had lots of concerns, like how I could continue teaching, how long I’d suffer, what treatment I should have, what would happen if I took a prolonged break, if I’d manage financially and would the business recover. Gradually, it wore me down. It all just became a bit too much. I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t feel like my usual bubbly happy self at all. Finally, I reached a point when I knew I had to do something to change the downward negative spiral that I was on. One of the first steps I took to turn things around was to try thinking more positively. I realised I had to stop thinking about the worst-case scenario and all the possible things that could go wrong, but instead tell myself that everything will be alright. I wrote a series of positive affirmations, which I read daily, many of which related to the worries mentioned above. Pretty quickly, I started to feel a bit happier. Soon after, my sister recommended turning these affirmations into Conscious Questions – an approach she’d learned from author and international speaker Nicholas Haines (founder of the Five Institute). With this exercise, I realised that telling myself to be positive was not as powerful as believing deeply that good things would happen. By asking questions, it made me really consider the possibilities. As an example, I’d been worrying about taking a prolonged break from teaching and whether all those attending my classes would return afterwards. My positive affirmation about this was that I needed to let go of the worry about my classes and trust that everything would work out okay. But, by turning it into a question – Why should I not worry about my classes? – and writing it down, I then considered all the reasons and wrote them down too. It was so interesting to observe the thoughts that came to me. I remembered all the lovely supportive messages from my dancers and how understanding they were about my needing to take the time out. I felt reassured a large number would return, when I was able to – after all, they enjoyed my classes and had already returned after the Covid pandemic lockdowns. Plus, I knew that if numbers were low and some people had moved on to other classes, I could advertise again and build the class numbers back up gradually. With a little time and patience, I felt more confident my business would recover eventually. Going through this process with the things that worried me, across all areas of my life, was so insightful. But, more importantly, it helped to build my confidence. I was feeling so empowered and positive by the end of the exercise. It was the turnaround I needed to help me along my path to recovery. The tricky part was making sure the positivity lasted! Throughout my life, I’ve been motivated to better understand myself and others by observing, reading and analysing events and people and the ways they’ve impacted me. It’s something I enjoy doing, even if it can be emotionally challenging at times. I’ve often turned to self-help books because I always find them to be so beneficial and last year was no different. There’s usually plenty that resonates with me and I’m always thinking positively whilst reading them. However, when I’m getting on with living my life, challenges always seem to come along and it’s never quite so easy to maintain that positivity. I invariably slip back in to my old ways. But, last year was different. When I finally took a break from teaching, I had a lot more time. My hunger to learn, about my mind and my body, meant I devoured books like there was no tomorrow. Each book I read led me to another, and so it continued. I felt sure this was the key to my physical and emotional healing and I wasn’t wrong. Even though each book I read had a slightly different focus or approach, they were all more or less saying the same thing. The common thread was basic and easy to understand. Think positively. Be positive. It’s the key to happiness. There were two books that had a significant impact on me with regards to understanding my negative mental chatter and why I worry so much – The Secret and The Greatest Secret by Rhonda Byrne. The first one I’d even read before, nearly 20 years earlier. This time, it resonated with me in different ways. It’s funny how that happens. I love it when I read or hear something at just the precise moment in time when I need to. It’s like a little sign guiding me forward.

This summer, I was enticed back to Scotland by the wildlife on the Isle of Mull. Travelling with my photography buddy, we only could get away for just over a week. I knew it wouldn’t really be enough time to fully appreciate all that is on and around the island, but, it was a great opportunity to do a recce for future visits. I was sure we'd have a great time, even if it meant a lot of driving. As usual, I planned it so we could break up our journey north with an interesting stopover somewhere new. On this occasion, we stayed near Kielder Forest in Northumberland. We would have a full day to explore the area and go for a walk. I was even hoping to see a rare butterfly, the Large Heath. But the weather conditions were not in our favour. Despite two attempts to see the butterfly, neither were successful.